From TES issue 13 (January 2002)
Series 8.
Quest: The Crown in Glory.
Dungeoneer: Richard Howse. (Richard III.) Advisors: Angela, Rebecca and Rowena.
Home town: Bracknell.
Team score: 1 out of 10.
 
The first quest of the final series was a complete shambles, and very enjoyably so.
 
Level One: After a quick stroll through the snap-dragon infested dwarf tunnel, Richard meets Brother Strange. The monk warns that much of level one has changed since the last season, and asks Richard's advice about the safety of the dwarf tunnel ahead. Richard warns him about the snap-dragons, but Strange has confidence in his ability to fend them off. He gives Richard a spyglass, through which the team see Lord Fear and Lissard arriving in Fear's new tower home, Marblehead. Fear shows Lissard his new telescreen, which he is extremely proud of, and also explains that all the spyglasses now automatically release fireballs after a few minutes of use. As Lord Fear and Lissard continue to chat, a fireball appears on the screen and Richard is told to put the glass down. The level one clue room follows, where their fate is sealed. On the table Richard finds a green knife, a black bottle of pigeon droppings, a silver key and a bar of gold. The scroll reads: Green for a girl, black for a boy. This is telling the team in no uncertain terms that they should pick up the green knife and the black bottle, but Rowena immediately insists on taking the other two objects! The other advisors are not sure. What do they think the scroll is for, one wonders. Decoration? Treguard decides to prompt them.
Treguard: "Well, what does the scroll say, team?"
Rowena (dismissively): "'Green for a girl and black for a boy.'"
Richard: "Do you want the key?"
Rowena (emphatically): "Yes!"
They do at least pick up the pigeon droppings as well as the key, but without the knife they are doomed. Fireball Alley follows, which the team complete with no problems. Richard next finds himself in a room with a chest full of loot and a statue of Motley. Majida asks what the statue is. Treguard explains that it is a stone tribute to the famous Motley, a jester who used to reside in the Dungeon. Richard begins rooting through the chest. Stiletta arrives and stops him from doing this, as she explains that the loot is hers and the Warrior Thief Code she lives by says that there should be sufficient honour among thieves that they do not steal each other's loot. Richard protests his innocence, but fortunately Stiletta is more interested in asking him if he has seen her lost green knife. When Richard tells her that he has seen it but he does not have it to return to her, Stiletta is disappointed. She explains that the Code says that as he has not returned something to her, she does not owe him anything. She promptly leaves to do her target practice.
  Richard is then guided over to Motley, and chucks the pigeon droppings at him, releasing him from the spell. Motley is suspicious of Richard at first, as he does not recognise the new helmet as belonging to a dungeoneer. Once Richard has explained the situation, Motley asks him to fill him in on what he's missed. Richard tells Motley about everything he's seen and learned, and the two people he's met. Motley tells him that Stiletta has all the codes to the floors and doors, indicating to the team their mistake. Motley agrees to help Richard find his way out of the level. The next chamber is the trapdoor room, which Motley explains is the way to level two. There is a rune lock covering the puzzle, but the team have no idea how to cope with it as Stiletta has not given them the information. A roaring sound fills the chamber. Motley recognises it as that made by an approaching dragon, and runs off at once. Richard is left standing like a lemon on the blocked trapdoor as the large red head of Bhal-Shebah enters the room. The dragon says how pleased he is to have found such a tasty morsel for his dinner before frying Richard with a large fireball. The quest ends here.
 
Summary: A useless team who richly deserved to die, as anyone who can't read blatant clues on scrolls should not be challenging the Knightmare Dungeon. But you've got to laugh!


[Previous team: Team 7 of Series 7
Next team: Team 2 of Series 8]

login to vote